Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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