If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
