You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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