I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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