People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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