It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
