The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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