I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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