I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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