Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
