We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
