Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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