Your mouth is God's brothel.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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