Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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