apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it's like heaven, but drunker
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
