Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
