i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
