why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
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Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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