you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
