2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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