I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
