my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
