Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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