I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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