I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
