i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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