My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
