I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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