but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
