I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
