Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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