It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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