God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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