She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
