No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im holly from the hills drunk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
