bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well I just put wine in my tea
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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