I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
