Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
