Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
