Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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