Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
