'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
