'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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