im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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