Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We left an ass print on the piano.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
