He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
