If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
