is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
"it" just moved
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
