Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
