We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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