is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The uberlube is also flammable
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
