i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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