I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You are the jesus of drinking
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
