if i can run in heels then i can drive
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
