You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
