I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
