Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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