Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
