Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
