She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize