apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
