we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
