Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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