Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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