I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
