This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
