You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
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You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.