Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
