So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?