i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".