I just threw up on my dentist
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash