he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
