i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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