3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
